Episode 7: The Truth about Triggers, Trauma, and Unconditional Love

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In this episode we discuss the origin of our triggers, as both parents and partners: How they come to be, what they mean about us and out inner world and narrative, why they so often emerge in our most significant relationships, and how we can respond consciously to the child in front of us by healing the hurting child within us. I give you FIVE strategies that you can start putting into practice right now, this very minute, so that you can finally feel more grounded and centered in your relationships.

The information in this episode is at the very heart of balanced and conscious parenting, you won't want to miss it!


If you want a easy print out of the Five Practices For Healing Your Triggers, download this week’s Balanced Bite!


Episode 6: The Power of Acceptance

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In this episode we explore the power that acceptance can bring to our lives.

You may have heard the famous saying by Carl Jung: "What we resist, persists." but what does that mean for parents in our every day lives, or what about during times that are legitimately hard?

In this episode you will learn what acceptance is, what it is NOT, and how to apply it to the pieces of your life where you are stuck in "should" and are suffering as a result.

I also read a powerful poem by psychologist Steven Taylor, which you can read here.

If that poem speaks to you, I highly recommend that you record yourself reading it and then listen to it as a form of meditation or affirmation. Listening to these new ways of thinking spoken aloud in your own voice can help you in the process of re-scripting your automatic thinking and default scripts.

Want more? Check out this week’s Balanced Bite, where I share weekly take home messages and real life examples. In this one I share four common family scenarios that can be smoothed and soothed with acceptance:




Episode 5: How to Stay Calm As a Parent

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In this episode I share with you how to avoid losing your patience with your kids. I give you FIVE of my best strategies that all parents looking to be more respectful, conscious and connected in their parenting are going to want to start putting in to practice today.

In fact, these practices aren't just applicable to parenting, they apply to all relationships where you are seeking to respond rather than react! 

  1. Set the limit early

  2. Practice the pause

  3. Offer yourself grace

  4. Prioritize essential self-care

  5. Heal your triggers

Get your hands on this week’s Balanced Bite:

The five keys to being able to stay calm as a parent:

Episode 4: Managing Parenting Triggers During Stressful Times

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In this episode of The Balanced Parent we discuss the science behind why it is so much harder to manage your triggers when you are experiencing stressful circumstances, like a global pandemic (thanks Coronavirus...), and I give you tools and tips for how to stay calm and parent from a place of compassion.

Get your copy of the Yelling Recovery Workbook here:

http://www.laurafroyen.com/yellingworkbook

Download a free Self-Compassion for Imperfect Families Meditation here:

https://www.laurafroyen.com/compassion

Other resources mentioned:

Dr. Kristen Neff's website www.self-compasssion.org

Episode 3: Setting Boundaries with Loved Ones

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Learn to set healthy boundaries that allow you to have authentic, connected relationships with the adults in your life!

In this episode, which was recorded live, you'll learn how to set two kinds of boundaries that are crucial to maintaining healthy, authentic relationships with the adults in your lives. Whether you have a narcissistic father, a mother-in-law that blows past every boundary you've ever set, or a friends or family that affect you in a negative way, you can set boundaries, with them and with yourself, that help you navigate these relationships with compassion and respect for everyone involved.

Topics Covered:

Setting external boundaries: These are the boundaries you set with others

Setting internal boundaries: These are the boundaries you set with yourself to regulate how others’ behavior affects you, your behavior, and your emotional well-being.

Learning to adjust your expectations to be more reasonable, and mourn the relationship you imagined that might not be possible.

The importance of tapping into compassion and considering the other’s perspective.

Exploring when to set firm boundaries that have the potential to result in a cut-off with family members.

Specific examples covered: Interactions with children, mother-in-law relationships, excessive gift giving, racism, alcohol use.

I would love to have you join me in my Balanced Parenting Community on Facebook where you can get support in setting these kinds of loving, authentic boundaries.

Episode 2: What to Expect from this Podcast

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Find out more about your host and what you can expect from this podcast in this episode!

In this episode I am going to introduce myself a bit and then dig in a bit deeper into the purpose and structure of the show and what you can expect from it. I want to help you see the big picture view of this podcast because there are a lot of moving parts to it that can seem a bit disconnected on the surface, but I promise, by the end of this episode you will see just how interwoven they all are.

So, first things first, I’m Dr. Laura Froyen. I a mom to two girls, Ellie and Evie, who are 7 and almost 5 at the time of this recording. I have the distinct pleasure of being married to my best friend and true partner. We live in Madison, Wisconsin where we love spending time together outdoors in all weather, even in the winter. I have my PhD in Human Development and Family Studies with a specialization in Couple and Family Therapy and I am a complete nerd when it comes to child development, attachment theory, compassion-based mindfulness, and family systems research. I love taking the latest research in these areas and distilling them down so that they can be applied to everyday life as parents and partners.    

Topics on this podcast will range widely, from parenting, to romantic relationships and friendships, to family of origin issues, to nurturing and nourishing your self and identity and healing old wounds. I will be sharing my knowledge gained during my PhD course work and research, my work as a Couple and Family Therapist, and over 10 years of working with families to help them be more thoughtful, respectful parents. I will also be calling in experts in various fields related to conscious parenting, inner healing, authentic relationships, and vibrant living all with the goal of supporting you in the process of BALANCING. You see, if there is one thing I learned in both my academic research on family systems and in my work with families is that it is never JUST ONE THING that is getting in the way of being the conscious, connected parent and partner you’re longing to be. And by focusing just on parenting, or just on inner healing work, or just on conscious communication tools you are missing the bigger picture: That all of these things work in concert with each other and CAN’T be separated if want them to feel healthy, robust and balanced.

So here is the crucial point and this is what makes this podcast unique and different from any other podcast out there: Through this show I will be encouraging you to see that each and everyone of us are embedded in system of interrelated and connected individuals and relationships. The parent-child relationship in inextricably tied to and influenced by the partner relationship. Our own well-being effects the well-being of all of our intimate relationships. None of us and none of our relationships exist in a vaccuum, and if we really want to understand how one influences the other then we need a space to learn and discuss that takes all of these into consideration, that doesn’t isolate them. It is my hope that this show becomes your one-stop shop for conscious, balanced living.

So we will cover parenting tips, child development, limit setting, meltdowns, problem solving, conscious communication tools, attachment theory, mindfulness, healthy relationships, holding boundaries, mindset shifts and self compassion. And while they may seem disconnected at first, it is my hope that you will ultimately see how intertwined these topics all are. It is IMPOSSIBLE to discuss conscious, respectful parenting without first digging deep and coming to know ourselves on a deeper level and begin to heal old wounds. It is IMPOSSIBLE to seek deeper, more meaningful connections with our partners and loved ones without learning to set and hold healthy, compassionate boundaries. It is IMPOSSIBLE to talk about seeking more balance in our lives without zooming out and working to balance the system in which we are embedded as a whole. And while the perfectionist in me wants to compartmentalize and focus on one area, then the other, then the other, and check things off the list as done, it can’t work that way. We are never done, and these things aren’t silos that work independently of the other. Work in one area uncovers work to be done in another area, which reveals growth opportunities in yet another areas. 

Parenting. Identity. Relationships. Connection. Mindfulness. Compassion. Boundaries.

All of these things together are essential components of living a well-balanced life as a person, but especially as a parent. And that really, is what you can come to expect from this podcast. There will be times when we zoom in and focus on one area for a bit, but we will always situate those conversations within the larger framework so that you can see how it all fits together. Episodes will range in length, with some bite- sized pieces and action steps, and other deeper dives that you’ll want to pull out your journal and work through. I will be you guide, but I will also pull in experts in the field and, periodically, I will invite listeners to send in questions or join me for some on-air coaching. Some episodes will also be replays of live streams from Facebook that are just too packed with value to leave moldering away in my video archives. After these first two episodes you can skip around and listen to the topics that strike your fancy!

Episode 1: What is Balanced Parenting? The Framework

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Let’s explore the concept of balanced parenting a bit!

Listen, our children only get one childhood with us, and WE only get one short period where we are parents. My hope for this podcast is that you will find support in creating a life that you don’t feel that you need to escape from, one where you actually enjoy these years with your kids, even when they are hard and demanding. I want to help you create a childhood for your kids that they don’t have to recover from, like we did. And I want to help you nourish your relationships with the adults in your life, like your friends and your partner, so that when the kids are grown and you emerge that you actually have deep, connected, fulfilling relationships. And most importantly, I want to help you come back to yourself and start showing up in your life as the fullest most vibrant and authentic version of you! I’ve worked with TOO MANY moms whose kids are leaving for college and they have no idea what to do with themselves or who they even are without that role. Being a mother is a part of me, but it’s not all of me, I am so much more, and I know you are too.

That’s what I mean by balance.

So, if you are wanting to bring more balance into your everyday life, if you are engaged in learning the art of returning to balance, I want to give you a framework that can guide you through that process. So let me introduce you to the Balanced Parenting Framework. The Balanced Parenting Framework is composed of Two Anchors and Three Supportive Practices. If you are a visual person I would highly recommend going to the shownotes where you will find a link to a post where you can actually see what this framework looks like. The two anchors of Balanced Parenting are the Self and Relationships. Human beings are driven to seek autonomy and relatedness, it is a human developmental imperative that we come to know ourselves on a deeper level and that we seek deep fulfilling connection with others. This truth is at the very foundation of modern psychology, and learning to how to be connected yet separate is at the very core of Balanced Parenting.  The balance between Self and Relationships is maintained and supported skills, tools and practices that fall into three categories: Boundaries, Compassion, and Mindfulness. These are concepts and practices work together to support you in feeling centered, grounded, and balanced. They are things that you can come back to or fall back on, and as you get practiced in using them they are what hold you up and keep you from getting knocked off kilter by the things that life throws at you. These are the things that allow you to be adaptable and resilient. I will dig into each of these in depth in future episodes, but I want to give a brief overview now so that you can know what to expect from this podcast.

 

A well-balanced life consists of a firm sense of Self and healthy Relationships with others, and those are the two Anchors of Balanced Parenting.

 SELF

Self refers to your identity and awareness of who you are and your purpose in this life, but it also has to do with taking care of yourself, nourishing your soul, understanding who you are and why you are the way you are at a deeper level. And it also has to do with recognizing that the self is where your true power lies, this is where you truly have influence, and this is where effort for change should be focused. And growth and healing the self is a crucial piece of this. If you want to have a well-balanced life then you really must start by turning inward and come to know yourself and how to care for yourself and how to heal yourself so that you can show up in your relationships and in your life as the most whole version of you.

 RELATIONSHIPS 

Relationships refers to the system of connections you have with others in your life, your kids, your partner, your friends and family,

If you are looking for balance, then you simply must start seeing yourself and your family as embedded in a series of systems. Even with in your own body you are a system and how one piece or part of you is doing affects the other parts of you. If you pull a muscle in your thigh and you start compensating by limping, it makes sense that another part of your body may also start to hurt since you’re relying on it in a new way. The same is true of our families, and I’m sure you’ve seen that in your own life. When you have a bad day and are snappish, your kids bicker more. If your partner is stressed over something at work it “leaks” into the family. This is all well established in family studies and child development research, and it’s crucial for you to become aware of the interconnected nature of humanity. And, because of this interconnected nature, when you focus on the connection, on your relationships, on creating deeply nourishing and authentic bonds with others, you feel more balanced, grounded, and fulfilled.

 

So then these two Anchors of Self and Relationship are supported by the practices of Boundary Setting, Compassion, and Mindful Awareness.

 

Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits that we set, with ourselves and others, that protect our own well-being or the well-being of a relationship. You are going to hear about boundaries a lot from me, whether its in the context of parenting, mother in laws, or simply as the deepest form of self-care you can practice, I am going to help you get super good at setting and holding loving, compassionate boundaries.

Compassion

The next supporting practice is compassion. I truly believe that compassion for your self and others is the antidote for suffering, because I have seen it’s transformative effect in my own life and relationships. It is a balm that you can offer to yourself and lens through which you can view the world. You will hear a lot about compassion, especially self-compassion, on this podcast because I truly believe it is indispensible to creating and living a well balanced life.

Mindfulness

And then finally we have mindfulness, and let me be super clear on what I mean by that. Here we are talking about bringing mindful, non-judgmental, awareness to your self, your thoughts, and to your interactions and relationships. While we will be talking about meditation from time to time, that’s only one small part of mindfulness. I’m talking about cultivating an ability become more fully aware and present in our lives and relationships.

Click here for more info on the Balance Parent Framework!